its Mid-June!
and im as fat as can be... shoooots! i seriously HATE long holidays....
anyway, life has been exciting-ish. had the BIE gathering tingey at TP. went Johor, met up with Shaheen to watch Sex and The City 2.
and I rented a car. was suppose to go to Bukit Batok with the whole maternal side but tak menjadi coz its the month of Rejab. sooo, i still have the car and decided to make full use of it. and it's a freaking manual car ok. went to Suntec. my dad drove coz there is this slope at Jade that is looooong and scary. and i got to buy a camera! now I will have a camera for Hari Raya and other tiny outings.weee! after that the car was all mine. annnnnnd my parking sucks big time! like seriously. i will find lots that have double space so that if i make any mistakes, at least i won't bang into another car.smart right?! hahahaha.
and this morning i had to go up the slope to exit a carpark at TM. i think i almost had a heart attack! i have never been scared in my entire life before... cz i had to stop ON the slope.OMG....i HATE slopes.
anyway, i think my driving is not that horrible...very crazy at times but i can drive as long as there is no slopes or i do not have to park in tiny tiny lots. and i can zoom in and out pretty well! (but very dangerously too) ooooh... and my sense of direction sucks big time(which is where the zooming in and out skills come in handy)! hahahaha... i am sure i have caused a few tiny heart attacks.. ooooops! hehe.
oh and i got fined. for parking 6 metres away from the junction. WTF la...it was not even blocking anything and there was no double yellow line or whatsoever and it was not on the road.it was in between terrace houses. they fine people for every single thing. Nabe.
I got to watch Karate Kid today...with my brother. it's a really really good movie! i cried and laugh and cheered. Awesome shite. seriously...after the movie, went home to chill then picked up Nesa, went Orchard, sent my brother to Expo. then at night went to meet dearest Imah and Fareez and Sallehin for dinner at Popeye. the rest of the dudes were busy. oh well. we had fun. and we have NOT met for a really LONG time..it was a short but good meet up session. yey!
then i had to hurry back to return the car. safe and sound. =)
I think having a car once in a while is good. it really makes things easier. you can get to places in a jiffy! how cool is that! but for everyday use on a not so big salary is very hard on the wallet. ppffft! somehow, i still feel that i would be safer on a bike than on a car. less likely of people to get a heart attack....hahah.
Wow...its been super long since i last updated. A lot has happened, the good and bad.
I am done with the first year of my school....having my 2 week course now and i will have my official holiday for one and a half month before my attachment starts at Chongzheng Primary School (scaryyyy!!) for about 5 weeks, then continuation of another month of holiday before my second year of school starts in September... Yikes! pretty fast huh?
My days have been pretty hectic with the all the tuition. Thank gawd its all over for now....kinda got tired of it after a while although i got money out of it. imagine i only got 2 days rest out of the whole week. and it was not from enjoying myself....sigh. now im thinking if i should continue it in June and after...this is what happens when you are so nice that you want to help people but then you forget your own health and happiness...then you feel that your efforts are not appreciated especially when the students play around or space off or sulk when you're teaching.. what in the world was i thinking getting into this? hmmmmm...... i wish i could easily stop but then it would be so irresponsible to go back on your commitment to help someone....damn it.
i still cant believe i would get guys ogling at me....doesn't seem real..and as usual they would be older than me. Do i really look old? kinda suck in a way. coz then i get compared to my mom who is actually twice my age! so annoying when i go out with my mom and people ask if we're sisters....bloody blind people. for one, i dont think we look alike, secondly i dont look that old and thirdly mind your own business people. urggghhhh.... anyway, i still have one proposal hanging over my head. not really a proposal but...the guy is interested and just waiting for my ok. wats wrong with giving it a try eh? hmmmm......oh well. a weird thing happen a few days back. my dad out of the blue mentioned that i should get married by 25. where the hell did that come from i have no idea but no way will i get hitched by then i think. a few years after that maybe ( if i find someone) but definitely not at 25. noway hozay. and i told my dad dont ever mention it again. enough of it coming from my darling grandmother alone. sheesh....
anyway....darling momy has been complaining that i have been going out a lot..whattt?? im hardly at home coz either im at tuition or in school. and the rare occasion (twice a month?!!) that i go out with friends...and she says i ALWAYS go out with friends...then what about my brother who goes out practically every week. he rarely goes out? sigh....the reason why sometimes being a guy is better.
My uncle mentioned to me the other day that once your friends get married, it would never be the same again. i hope whatever he said won't be true. but seeing those around me, i'm having doubts myself.. when i look at my friends now, when they have their guy, its definitely different. i dont have a guy myself so its hard to judge. but imagine how it would be when they get married and have kids....dont even think they would have much time to have the usual meet ups like we do now. sad isn't it? i'll just have to treasure the time we have now then and hope the friendship stays. if not...oh well, life is unpredictable after all.
what actually sparked the mood for me to blog today was actually something that wasn't that good. Well, here goes.....i bought a harem pants (very ali baba-ish) coz i've been wanting to try it and also i decided to try using shawl. i tried the shawl the other day and i thought i looked quite ok.so my self confidence was pretty high in trying new things. Then, today i wore the pants and the shawl...very boho. then my dear brother went to my mom and told her to see how retarded i looked. and there goes my self confidence all smashed into pieces... here's the thing...my self confidence has been ever so low since young coz my very own family has been degrading me since like forever.so it doesnt take much for people's comment to pull me down to the bottom of the pit. however much i say that im used to it and try to let it in the right and out the left ear, it will somehow eat me up inside.then i will feel useless and shitty.anyway, after my dearest brother said that i kinda snapped. i was pissed coz i was feeling 'up there' and he spoiled it by being so tactless with his words. i ignored him when he asked me to show them what i wore and he said i was sombong. then i literally shouted back that he just called me retarded. geeez...how do you think i felt. he went quiet after that.but oh boi...the damage was done. so i changed my shawl and wore my usual scarf.and out of the house i went. by then i was tearing up badly. sigh.....he apologised to me after that (tru sms) saying that he was referring to the pants and not the scarf. but still, the bottom line was he said i looked retarded. and throughout the whole day that i was out in that stoopid pants, i was feeling self conscious. it might just be the last time that pants see the light of the day.... im not mad at him anymore. more of disappointed i guess...
it will take me long to get my self confidence back up and soooooo easy to be brought back down to nothing....i think my family's words means more to me which is why it always affects me as compared to when my friends says it.im always ok when my friends give their opinion but not with the family...dunno why... now i still feel like shit and nothing is going to get it back up so soon.... double sigh...
my life is such...
LOTS happened in the past week....
1) the thing that im most proud of is.....
I, Shabeena Begum has officially PASSED her driving lesson at the fourth try(nothing to be proud of, i know) but YEY!!! =))
but im disappointed with my parents reaction. my dad said i was lucky to have passed and my mom told me she wont get into the car if im driving. so yeah...i made a promise to myself that im NOT going to drive them around unless its an emergency...was super pissed off la. nabe. my friends have more faith in me than my own parents. how annoying is that! urgggghhhh.... whatever la...
2) im restarting my exercise regime again...hahah. gawd knows how many times i have start and stop and start and stop again....hahahahahah. lol. but im seriously trying to tone down...SOMEthing is getting too big. lol.
3) my dad's niece passed away from cancer. inalillah....
makes you want to reflect on your own life and think if you have done anything good with it. life is too short... scary....
4) met up with my ex-colleague...his treat at F.I.S.H... macam date gitu. hahaha.....but it was nice to see him after so long...the funny part was that he said that he felt im singing when actually im talking.. idiot kannn.. and he even imitated how i was speaking....hahahahahah.. hilarious dude.
5) met up wit Farah, Raz and Rai at Mad Jack at WS to celebrate Kak Idah's belated birthday on 24 March 2010.. and we always have a good laugh. all the merepekness came out. like our normal saying "there's a Farah in everyone' ahahahah... Farah forever with the bloopers, and Kak Idah tershashul, and me with my longgar hands and Rai with her all rounder bacinness...hahaha... we laughed manyak manyak till our stomach started cramping and our eyes tearing up... sigh... good times. =))
we should do it more often..
6) im annoyed with my very own dear ones. coz i feel as if im not appreciated for what i have been doing all this while for them. they expect sooooo much from me that i just cant keep up with myself...and they dont understand me at all. which kind of suck....when i need their help they are not there for me and when they need help from me, they demand it there and then without thinking if it would actually affect me in any way.
and someone is always so overly sensitive that sometimes i just cant be bothered to talk to her anymore.... whatever i say or do is always wrong....... uuuurgggghhhh!!!
7) i have one more month till the end of my second semester of the first year of school...then comes the practicum and soon it will be my second year of school....superrrr fast. the huge bulk of assignments due soon and my tests are coming up. i feel like im literally swimming in my head...lol.
8) Celebrated Azimah's birthday today... 25 March 2010...her 26th birthday...wow! we decided to surprise her and she was happy...Yey!! glad we could make her day coz she was feeling kinda down... awwww... but it all went well.
Happy 26th Birthday Azimah!!!!
9) i wonder how some people can be so snippy at times and make it shown to others their displeasure...i find that utterly rude and inconsiderate. if you're not happy about it, then don't be around those people that make you feel that way....goodness.
i am relieved in a way....something has been hanging over my head for quite a while and i finally decided to do something about it. yey me!
but there's another major thing hanging over me which i wish i could get it over and done with... sigh. im wishing for the best. feeling confident about it then before so i hope it will work out for the best!! *crossing my finger*
anyway....
went to the gym on Tuesday...and im proud of myself!! i did 15 min on the bicycle, 20 min on the cross trainer, 10 min on the treadmill, 250 crunches, 150 superman, 50 push-ups....nice right...and i was trying to do a back flip...but that is scary shittt....and i stopped at that. enough for one day i think.im trying to get back into my exercise routine after stopping for a few weeks... and im trying to cut down on my food intake and also to live healthily...more fruits, less fried food especially fast food and desserts...MUST refrain from them!!
i took this test on FB about 'What kind of guy is attracted to you?'
and...
The Best Friend
You've known this guy for as long as you can remember, and there's something a little creepy about knowing he has pictures of you and himself in the bathtub at age 2. He knows all your secrets, you trust and depend on him, and he'll always be there for you. And that's exactly the problem. There's nothing sexy about a boy whose bed you used to wet, or who you're comfortable farting around. Unfortunately for you, this can cost your friendship, but ultimately its important not to lead him on. So tell him you're not into him already!!!
freaky or what...i think it's a sign for me that i have been putting things off for too long. time to make a decision and stop procrastinating it..
my Friday was freaking AMAZING!
decided not to go swimming.so i sat at Starbucks (third time for the week.damn it.) and did my work. and the dude behind the counter wanted to flirt with me, hahahaha....funny. anw, met darling Fizah for a late lunch at Fig n Olive. talked and caught up with lots of stories...happening kepe. then went home to get ready for the night..... =)))))
watched Kumar with the parents and aunt and cousins. OMG... he is hilarious like fark. but he uses the same lines and stories most of the time....but its still funny.i think its the way he delivers them that makes u laugh at it over and over again. and he is one horny dude. he talks about sex and stufzz practically the whole 90mins we were there. enjoyed every minute of it though..... weeee!
then.. went for a "midnight movie" with my dear brother and cousins. we went to Clarke Quay and entered Zirka which is apparently connected to Rebel too! 2 in 1. yey! Zirka is practically trance songs. i was lost for a while there. then i got used to the songs they were playing. and the dance moves for the Trance songs are ODD! i tried following and i think i looked drunk. hahahaha....but it was fun. then we hopped into Rebel where they played my type of songs. and i went crazy. then....a stooopid Indian weirdo came up behind me and started jerking. WTF! thank gawd my brother was there to rescue me...but seriously. eeeeww! anyway.....i still enjoyed myself very much even though i danced alone. hahaha... sad rite. but i was enjoying myself and the views....nice hot mat salehs all over... *sigh* haha.....it closes at 4 and off we went home... wat an awesome day! =D
i have had an AWESOME break so far. even though it has been filled with lots of eating. but nevermind. at least i got to spend time with my loved ones. =D
Monday 1st March
met my beloved cuz Nesa for lunch. went down allllll the way to Novena to meet her....im so nice right. hehe. but beofre i met her, i went to the library to return some books and i saw this book called Party Food and suddenly i fell like doing a Tea Party. wouldn't it be fun?!! i have been wanting to learn how to make sushi and the book actually had instructions on it! how cool...but i did not borrow it yet...hmmm.... anw, on a random note. i find my Nesa freaking hot la. i just envy how she carries herself with such confidence and i feel that she has her own identity.unlike some people who just copy whatever everyone else is wearing...and the way she dressed up is smokingly hot. don't worry, im not a lesbian. i think.hahaha... then had a short stopover at Little India where i FINALLY did my eyebrows. no more bushy eyebrows! yey... and finally off to tuition.
Tuesday 2nd March
had a lunch date with Shaheen at Ananda Bhavan at Little India. yummy!! and those indians were staring at us like nobody business. is it wrong for two girls to go and have lunch?! they seriously need to get a life. wateverrr... then we cab down to Shaw Towers to have our doing-project session. we set camp at Starbucks and made our 4 hours super productive. yey us! and we got to complete something... weeee! and off to tuition again...
Wednesday 3rd March
had a breakfast/lunch date with my darling Farah at Mac. then made our way down to Starbucks at Tampines where we got a nice spot and did our work for almost 3 hours over... and i got to complete another set of work. and off to tuition again. and at night i tried to complete my English assignment. and its 7/8 done. im soooo proud of myself. i have been doing my work. =)
Thursday 4th March
had a date with Shaheen Aman. again. my lover in NIE. hahaha...went to West Coast to have a tiny picnic. stayed there for like 2 hours. we ate, played Uno and Scrabble. we completed almost all the Scrabble cards except for 3 cards coz i finished first. i got 190 points and shaheen got 193 points. wow right. we are smart people. hahaha. lol. then cab to Redhill MRT station where Shaheen got her hair washed and blow dried and i got my hair straightened and had my bangs cuts. OMG!! i look DIFFERENT. very pweeety if i must say so. hahaha. but seriously, it made me feel like a million bucks. i made heads turn for the very first time in my entire life. that felt damn good. short-lived happiness though. but the experience would definitely stay with me forever. chehhh..macma paham. hahaha. anyway, made our way to Marina to watch 'Dear John'. it is a freaking awesome movie. and Channing Tatum is fucking HOT! especially when he was in uniform. i melted. too bad he is married. but still, i would love to just hug him mann... woohoo. hahaha. then went down to Aloha to attend a mini gathering by my fellow peers....it was nice to see them there. all chilled out and having fun. and finally home sweet home. super long day. but it was worth it. every single second was the bomb. =)
Friday 5th March
the day is not over yet as of now. so my plans for it is actually to go Singtel to check out my handphone plan coz i seriously need to change it. its dying on me... boohoo. and its less than a year. so annoying. haiyaa.... then meeting dearest Fizah for a late lunch at Fig n Olive. with a round of gossiping and life updates for dessert. have not gotten a chance to chill with her since like forever....it would be nice. im still undecided on what to do before meeting her. to go swimming or to continue completing the rest of my assignments..???? im changing my mind abt swimming bcoz my hair is still straight and so the sayang if i were to go inside the water. it will be all gone! hmmmm.....then at night, my family and i will be watching Kumar at the Three Monkeys Bar. this would be interesting. imagine my mom and i in selendang entering a bar and pretending as if everyone there is also wearing one. ahahaha..... cant wait for that....
